Don’t risk your integrity

There are things in our life that we don’t cherish until we lose them. One of the most painful loses a person can experience is the loss of their integrity. What is integrity? It is the foundation of your character. It is how others judge you, what people consider when they question to trust you. It is the thoughts about whether what they have heard is true or false.

As a single man, one of the most vital and critical parts of our integrity is the behavior we exhibit and how we act among women. It is our behavior with all women, not just single women.  We must ensure that our behaviors and witness to the world is healthy, honest and transparent. We should not be hiding what we do with anyone, not limited to women, but especially women.

In the current times many of us men have female friends. Many times we are put into a position that might seem innocent, but the witness and results can be devastating.  Here is a good video that I saw that lays down some good suggestions and guidelines.

A lot of your friends, family and co-workers will make fun of you. Many times you will be told that you are making things out of nothing. You will be urged to risk your integrity. Your own flesh and conscious will even tell you it is not an issue. But be honest with yourself. If you have thoughts in your head, if you have a conviction of spirit about the situation, it is an issue. Otherwise none of that would be going on.

Here are some simple basics that I would recommend:

  • Do not carpool or ride with the opposite sex without many others involved
    You might be friends and both of you may not have an issue, but what does it look like? What would you do if you did not do something but the female indicates to someone that something happened? Even if it did not happen, you have no witness, your word against hers. Regardless if you are right and she is wrong, your integrity will be damaged.
  • Do not meet in private. If you have to meet one-on-one, make a “busy” public place
    This is very critical. If you must meet face-to-face. Make sure there are many, many witnesses. This creates a vital situation. Remember, how does the meeting look to others? The busy location is to ensure that you and the female do not have alternative motives with the meeting. (If you have alternative motives. DON’T DO IT!)
  • Do not visit or go to the other person’s house without accountability partner/witness
    Whether you are just going over to move furniture, fix a broken sprinkler or to have a meal. Don’t go alone. You need to have an accountability partner with you. You might not think there is an issue with meeting, it may only take a few moments, but what is your witness?  Unless you are in a committed relationship with long term plans, you should not be together at one another’s house having dinner, playing games or watching a movie without company.
  • Do not email, text message or call the individual without the idea that anybody should be able to eavesdrop
    If you are going to post a message on Facebook, send a text, email, etc. make sure that anybody can read your message. Anybody. When you are sending the message, actually, when you are thinking about sending the message, think about if your boss, friend and/or pastor read the message and also the reply. If you are concerned about the possible answer coming back. Don’t ask or send the message.

We must realize that even if we are in a healthy, good mental and physical state, that does not mean that the other person is. Or that others that are witnessing the encounter understand the whole situation. Remember, when your integrity is damaged, you don’t get a second chance or get to explain situations.  You want your integrity to properly represent you and most of the time, you can’t control it. All you can do is review and discern your actions and make appropriate decisions.

This takes a lot of discipline and will be easier over time, but you don’t have to do it alone. Stay connected with a disciples or accountability partner. You cannot be too careful and you will actually be respected more by following these simple, but tough suggestions.

If you don’t have an accountability partner or would like to learn more about disciples, please check out and check out the meetings and activities that they have where they enjoy life together.

1 Comment

  1. Rhonda

    Hey Dano! I hope this comment finds you very blessed. I am not on FB anymore as you know and I am really not using the computer much at all these days for social networking or other comminications. Perhaps at some point I will be led back to using it again…. have just been busy with changes and trying to follow the LORD as best I can. I do check my emails periodically and was pleased to read this “Dano’s Place” on Integrity. Off to watch the video clip now but wanted to say “hi”. In the prayers, brother! God bless!

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